Recaptured Dreams Page 14

  “Sophia! Come back here this instant!”

  The voice of her mother was like a slap. She touched a hand to her rapidly heating face but kept her eyes closed. Sophia saw herself running down the same hallway with tears streaking down her cheeks. Her younger self ran into the farthest room and slammed the door behind her. Her mother wasn’t too far behind, tears coursing down her cheeks as well. When Katherine made it to the door, she beat on it repeatedly.

  “Sophia!” she screamed, “You can’t run from this, Sophia. Now open this door this instant!”

  “I’m not running, Mother. You’re the one who’s running! Why can’t you understand?”

  “At your age, I would think you would understand that your father and I always do things in your best interest.”

  “Then why run away? Why run away after all I told you!! I told you he—”

  “Stop it! Stop this nonsense about running away. We have a lifestyle—”

  Sophia’s hand pounded furiously on the other side of the door. “That’s what you’re doing, Mother. Why can’t you admit it? You are running. You’re afraid. What are you going to do? Lock me up forever?”

  Katherine’s voice calmed. “Please, Sophia…open the door; we need to talk about this.”

  “Go away.”

  “Sophia—”

  “I hate you! Go away!”

  Sophia’s shrill scream made Xavier lurch for the office door.

  “Sophia!”

  She didn’t answer. She only kept screaming. He took the stairs two at time, nearly snapping the banister in half with his grip. Each time she sobbed, a punch slammed into his gut. He couldn’t get to her fast enough.

  Cresting the last step, he found Sophia huddled on the floor against the wall, her head buried in her knees, which were drawn up to her chest. She was sobbing uncontrollably. Concern nearly crippled him as he rushed to her side and knelt next to her. He reached out and touched her arm.

  “Sophia,” he whispered.

  She retracted like she’d been burned by a hot ember.

  “Sophia,” he said with more authority in his voice. “Are you okay?”

  She only nodded, still sobbing. She was curled into herself like a shell. And when her eyes fluttered to his, for however briefly, they were empty.

  “Talk to me, please?” His voice cracked.

  She shook her head, and defeated, Xavier clenched his jaw. She wasn’t going to let him help her. He couldn’t blame her. Hadn’t he been the one who had run out after dinner, only to come back and kiss her even though he knew he shouldn’t have? Only to leave her again after that.

  It was obvious that Sophia was struggling with her memory, and maybe he wasn’t helping as much as he’d thought. He’d known from the beginning he couldn’t control where this path would take them, and thus far, it seemed to be leading them in the wrong direction.

  His heart contracted as he looked at her. He needed to wrap her in his arms, and he needed to give her space. How was he supposed to do both?

  A terrible thought struck him: getting her back had always been his primary goal, but now maybe he couldn’t do that. Maybe his brother had been right and Xavier’s love for the old Sophia was clouding his thoughts and feelings toward the one that stood before him. Maybe he was doing this for all the wrong reasons.

  The hallway was hot, and his face throbbed as blood rushed to his head. He was second-guessing himself, and that was not like him. He loved Sophia. He would not give up on what they could have. But he just might have to change the way he was going about it.

  Only problem was, he didn’t know how. Maybe he needed to take another gigantic step back and stay back. After all, he couldn’t help her if she didn’t let him in.

  “Come on,” Xavier commanded as he grasped her hands and hauled her to her feet. “You need to get to bed.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  MORNING ARRIVED, AND SOPHIA dreaded what might come next. Something about the last night’s flashback had alarmed her terribly. What could have torn her and her mother so far apart? This trip down memory lane was not what she’d expected.

  “Do you mind if we go into the city today?” Xavier asked her over breakfast. It was the first words he’d said to her all day.

  She chewed and swallowed her toast carefully. “Sure, where to?”

  “Bryant set up a private showing with a new buyer from Canada. He’s a little iffy on the details, so I need to go help him out.”

  Her mood instantly brightened. “Oh, so then are we going to your studio?”

  “Yes. It shouldn’t take long. The drive will be the most difficult.”

  Sophia didn’t miss the sadness in his tone. Was he upset with her because she wouldn’t share what she’d remembered the night before? Did he deserve to know every single ounce of memory that slid into her mind while he helped her?

  “I’m sorry about last night,” she said.

  “It’s fine.” He rose and dumped his dishes in the sink. “This is hard on you. I get that.”

  She wanted to say she knew it was hard on him, too. It had to be. But he didn’t need to bear the weight of her bits and pieces. He didn’t need to know all the individual intimate details of her past. Did he?

  No.

  He’d already gone through enough trouble, already felt enough. Once she remembered the important things, the ones she was certain revolved around him, she would share them. She wanted so badly to know how their previous relationship had formed and how she had felt about him. Then maybe she would better understand the feelings swimming around in her chest.

  Until then, it would be best to keep everything to herself. And since Xavier was keeping to himself, too, Sophia shouldn’t—and wouldn’t—feel guilty.

  “Here we are.” Xavier opened the door to his studio, a massive space in the heart of New York City. He was proud of that place, but as he looked at Sophia, he couldn’t help but feel burdened.

  Sophia’s eyes skimmed around the colorful space, glancing at the racks of clothing on the right, the ceiling-high windows to the left, the beams that crossed overhead, and the shiny concrete floor. Pain was etched in her face as she took in the surroundings. Why? Maybe he shouldn’t have brought her here. He so badly wanted her to remember everything. But it was hurting her and, at the same time, killing him.

  Bryant burst through the back door and rushed over to Xavier. “Thank God you’re here.”

  Xavier didn’t touch Sophia, but he motioned her to walk further inside the room. “You shouldn’t have set up a showing without me,” he said to his brother.

  “Yeah, well, you and your vacation have held us up quite a bit. Have you made any progress for the spring show in April?”

  Xavier frowned and grabbed Bryant by the shoulder, dragging him away from Sophia’s earshot. “Don’t start,” he hissed. “I know it’s March, but I have plenty of time to come up with a few signature pieces before then. It’s no big deal. See if you can keep Sophia occupied. And don’t say anything stupid either.”

  Bryant grinned in his all-too-annoying fashion. “Me?”

  “Yeah. Behave. I mean it.”

  Bryant gave Xavier a cocky smile. “The fire still isn’t burning, is it?”

  “Shut up.” He glanced over his shoulder at Sophia. She almost looked lost. “Just keep her entertained. But don’t mention anything you know about our past. Got it?” Bryant nodded, and Xavier glanced down at his watch. “The client will be here in, what, fifteen minutes?”

  “They’re already here.”

  Xavier groaned. “The girls?”

  “Dressed and ready in the back.”

  “The clients?”

  “Waiting patiently in your office.”

  “Go get the girls, and I’ll get the clients and Sophia situated. Then it’s up to you to keep her company while I finish this deal.”

  “Right on, bro.”

  Bryant hustled to the back, and Xavier went over to Sophia. “We’re going to do a quick showing here in a fe
w minutes. You can sit over there.” He pointed to a red leather couch in the back corner by a wall of bookcases filled with portfolios of clothing. “Bryant will be out to check on you soon. Okay?”

  She nodded.

  “Are you all right?” he asked when she wouldn’t look at him.

  “Yes,” she replied quietly. Too quietly.

  She stepped away without saying another word. Her shoulders were slumped, her eyes cast far, far away. In a matter of moments, she’d shut him out—just as he’d feared.

  “Is Xavier always like this?” Sophia asked as Bryant plopped down on the couch next to her.

  “Like what?”

  She looked over at Xavier. Models whished around through the room like a parade. His eyes were focused and determined as he spoke confidently to the lean, grandfatherly fellow standing at his side. He looked so in his element there, so comfortable. Shoulders lax but confident and even a smile once in a while. This was what made him happy.

  And yet she didn’t miss the trace of disappointment on his face every time he glanced in her direction.

  “Distant,” she whispered.

  Bryant’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

  Sophia clasped her hands in her lap. “Oh, nothing. This, um…trip…has been a struggle.”

  “Ah. Do you mind if I ask why?”

  Sophia thought about that for a moment. She didn’t know how much Bryant knew—how much Xavier had told him. And as the question rolled around in her head, she really couldn’t come up with a good answer for him.

  “It’s just…” She bit her bottom lip. Bryant, as nice as he seemed, was probably not the best person to talk to. After all, he was Xavier’s brother. She wished Anne Marie was sitting next to her. “Never mind. I’m being sensitive is all. Learning about a past you never expected is rather…trying.”

  He nodded, his gaze flicking to Xavier and then back to her. “You have no idea.”

  She eyed him carefully. “What do you know about that summer?” she asked.

  Bryant made a noise somewhere between a grunt and a cough as he scooted away from her. “I, uh, know that you two were inseparable.”

  “What else?”

  The left side of his lip curled down. “I’m not supposed to talk about it.”

  She gaped at him. “You’re not supposed to talk about it? Why?”

  He shrugged. “Don’t know. Xavier didn’t want me to tell you anything, and I just do what the boss-man says.”

  Her eyes became slits as she looked back at Xavier. He was fanning out some model’s skirt as a client looked on. Xavier was hiding something from her…and there was only one way to figure out what.

  The tires of the car rolled along the stretch of highway as Xavier and Sophia made their way back to the house. Xavier focused on the smooth intakes of Sophia’s breath to keep him grounded.

  After what felt like hours, Sophia broke through the silence. “Why did you tell your brother not to talk to me about us?”

  Xavier choked on his tongue. “He told you that?” Idiot. He was going to strangle Bryant the next time he saw him.

  “Yes, after I asked him about it.”

  Xavier gripped the steering wheel harder. “I don’t know. Bryant is weird and full of himself. Maybe he was mad you weren’t asking about him.”

  Sophia’s voice was icy. “Why are you lying to me? What did I do wrong?”

  He switched lanes, and the car lurched toward the exit. Only a minute or so longer and he would be out of the confining vehicle. Away from Sophia’s intoxicating scent. Away from questions that had no good answers.

  He didn’t answer immediately, keeping his focus on the winding roads leading to the house, trying to get there quickly. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” he finally said.

  “Then why do I feel like you’re deliberately making this difficult?”

  The car peeled into the driveway. “I’m not doing anything, just trying to help you get your memories back.”

  He slammed the door as he got out of the car. Taking a long breath of salty air, he walked around toward the passenger side to help Sophia, but she was already out, glaring at him.

  “Now you sound like my mother,” she spat. “She wouldn’t tell me about my past either. I thought you were going to be different. But now you’ve locked up on me.” She slammed her door and marched toward him. “Why?”

  Fire lit her features as the wind whipped her hair wildly around her face. She was clearly angry, yet he didn’t have a response for her—not a good one.

  “I’m not keeping anything from you.” He stepped close to her. Close enough to feel her hot breath on his face, but he didn’t dare touch her. “It’s only fair to you if you learn what we did and when we did it. I refuse to tell you about my old feelings or what I thought.” His nostrils flared as her scent once again consumed him. “That’s not what you need. You need to recapture your own memories about how you felt. I can only give you the pieces to work with. My feelings don’t matter. And they have no bearing on your memory. Please don’t expect something I can’t give you.”

  She started to speak, but Xavier couldn’t listen anymore. If he did, if he heard one cry or sob or upset comment come out of her mouth, he’d snap, unable to make her face her memories alone.

  He pivoted on his heel and jogged into the house.

  Sophia gave Xavier three hours, and then she couldn’t stand it any longer. Her bare feet made no sound on the marble floors as she went room to room to find him. Every place was empty. She checked the driveway; the car was still there. Stopping by the kitchen, she snatched some provisions from the cabinet and headed to the back door. When she stepped out on the back porch, her breath whooshed out.

  The sun hung low in the sky, casting a purplish haze over the white fence lining all sides of the property. Evergreen trees dotted the landscape, creating patches of dark shadows. The trees wobbled and whistled with the chilled evening wind. A sinking feeling settled in her chest. Rubbing her free hand over the back of her neck, she closed her eyes and was propelled to the exact same spot, ten years before:

  The high, midday summer sun beat down on her skin, causing little beads of sweat to erupt along the back of her neck. Xavier stood in the distance, just past the tree line, on the opposite side of the perimeter fence. He flashed a wicked grin and waved her over. Her long ponytail bobbed as she swung back around, looking into the house and nodding at her father. He gave an approving smile and ducked out of sight.

  She hurled herself off the back patio, running barefoot across the grass. It squished between her toes with her long strides. She leaped over the fence and into Xavier’s waiting arms. His breath rushed out, and she giggled as they crashed to the ground.

  “Shh,” Xavier grunted. “I thought the point of this was to be quiet.”

  Her lips met his, and a zing of satisfaction flowed through her veins. “Forget quiet,” she breathed as she drew away. “Father said I can see you any time I want.”

  Xavier’s eyes widened. “Why the change of heart?” He rolled her over, pinning her beneath him. His fingers smoothed across her hair. She sighed at the intensity of his sea-blue eyes. Eyes that only saw her.

  Yes, she thought, why the change of heart indeed?

  “Sophia?”

  Sophia jolted back to awareness, snapping her eyes open and dropping a plate of cookies to the concrete patio.

  “Oh. God.” She bent, hands shaking to pick up the pieces of broken china. “I’ve never been back here before, and I—”

  A hand closed over hers. “Stop. It’s okay.” Xavier’s tone was cool, collected. His hand cupped her elbow and lifted her back up. “What are you doing out here?”

  She cast her gaze away. “Looking for you.”

  He dipped his head, forcing her to look at him directly. “With cookies?”

  She bit her lip and took a step back, wiggling out of his grasp, careful not to step on any broken pieces of china.

  “Peace offering,” she
whispered.

  He cocked his head and studied her. He held out his hand to the side, drawing Sophia’s attention to a swing at the far corner of the porch. “Would you like to sit with me?”

  “Do you actually want company? Weren’t you out here hiding from me?”

  His eyes crinkled with a frown, but he said nothing. Instead, he snatched her hand and led her to the swing.

  Sophia plopped down, her gaze floating across the expanse of the yard, wondering what had just happened to her.

  “You’re pale.” Xavier’s breath caressed the side of her face.

  “I think I just saw an old memory.” She slanted her head to look at him. “Of you. Us.”

  He lit up. “What was it about?”

  “Did we sneak around to see each other a lot?”

  He gave a lopsided grin. “Yes. After you introduced me to your mom and dad the week we met, they forbade me to see you anymore.” His eyes narrowed, focused on the spot near the fence she’d just seen in her memory. “Until one day your dad lifted his rule.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know. I was so happy at the time I didn’t question it.” He stroked his fingers through her hair with a sad smile. “I’m guessing you know, somewhere in there.”

  Leaning back, Sophia exhaled loudly. “This afternoon, at your studio, I loved watching you work. You were so in your element. And…” She rubbed her arms, fighting off the chill from their argument on the way home. She didn’t want to go there again. Her eyes flitted back to the quickly darkening yard. “Where do you think you’d be now if you hadn’t met me?”

  He shrugged, swinging his arm around her to rest on the back of the swing. “A bad place. If I’d stayed on the path I’d been on that summer, I imagine my friends and I would’ve done pranks—dangerous ones—and ended up in jail. We’d talked about doing far more than just pranks, too.” He closed his eyes. “I loved the adrenaline from it, so I imagine I would have gone along with whatever they wanted.”